Sometimes I guess I don’t want to know

One of my favorite Frog and Toad stories is THE DREAM. I cry every time I read it because it captures a deep fear that, as I become more and more myself and allow myself to shine, my relationships will disappear. This is a big reason why I’m afraid of success (whatever that means).

I came across an interview in which Arnold Lobel talked about his inspiration for THE DREAM. Usually I love hearing the story behind the story. Usually a behind-the-scenes peek actually enhances my experience.

Welp. Not this time.

Here is what Arnold Lobel said: “That particular story was based on a very particular relationship I have with a friend who tends to be an expert in one-upmanship. And just observing that, feeling that tension that one does feel with someone you like very much but who you are constantly in…we all have people that we love but who constantly play that one-up game. If you know something, they know more. If you really like the person, you submit to that. You don't fight it; Frog submitted to it. He just got smaller and smaller.”

While the story makes me feel seen and soothed, the quote triggered my fears and left me unsettled. Does the fact that I relate to Toad in the story mean that I’m a one-upper? Do I make others feel small? I worry constantly that if I’m being fully myself or taking up room, I’m taking away from other people somehow.

I know that an author’s initial spark is not always what the book ends up being about. I also know that the author’s experience of the story is very different than the reader’s experience of the story. But even so, it affected me. And I don’t have answers, but I do have questions:

When should we share our inspirations for our books? When does sharing actually negatively impact or limit the readers’ experience?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

Rachel